The Alpha and The Archetype: A Hamptons Weekend Spent Redefining Feminine Power
The light in the Hamptons hits differently in July. It’s soft and golden, filtering through the hydrangeas, promising a pause from the city's relentless energy. I went out there for a weekend with my best friend, the brilliant Erika de la Cruz, Editor in Chief of The LA Girl. We came for a reprieve, but as is often the case when two ambitious women have a moment to breathe, we ended up having a conversation that gently and completely rewired my thinking.
Between discussions of business and dreams, a new topic surfaced, quietly at first, then with an urgent insistence: femininity. We spoke of its power, its nature, and our own complex relationship with it. We realized that in our drive to build, lead, and succeed, we had become experts in wielding our masculine energy—our ambition, our decisiveness, our drive. And in doing so, we had perhaps neglected a part of ourselves that was just as powerful, just as essential.
It was a weekend of revelation, sparking a necessary audit of the soul. It forced me to confront a pattern in my own life, and to begin the work of integrating the alpha with the archetype.
The Boss in the Bedroom: When Your Greatest Strength Becomes a Private Weakness
I am a natural business woman. I know how to lead a team, command a room, and execute on a vision. These are skills I’ve honed, my "alpha" traits that have been instrumental in my success as a founder. The challenge, I admitted in that salt air, is that I often forget to take off the CEO hat when I walk through my own front door. I blur the lines between being a boss and being a partner in a romantic relationship, and I find that the very energy that builds my business can create friction in my personal life.
My strength in the boardroom—my ability to direct, decide, and control—can feel like a weakness when I crave connection. It’s a common paradox for so many successful women: we build empires, but we struggle to build partnerships that feel truly restful and balanced. We’ve mastered the art of doing, but we are out of practice in the art of receiving.
Beyond the Binary: Masculine and Feminine as a Current, Not a Cage
What Erika and I kept returning to was the idea of masculine and feminine not as rigid gender roles, but as energies. A flow. A current that exists in all of us.
Masculine energy is the structure, the riverbank. It is directional, protective, decisive, and present. It builds the container. Feminine energy is the river itself. It is flowing, creative, intuitive, nurturing, and radiant. It fills the container. A successful business needs both: the vision and structure (masculine) and the creative, flowing, adaptive culture (feminine). A successful life, and a successful relationship, needs them too.
The goal isn't for women to suppress their masculine drive or for men to lose their masculine core. The goal is a dance. It’s about learning which energy to call upon in which situation, creating a dynamic flow rather than a rigid, exhausting state of being.
The Radical Acceptance of Wanting It All: The Dream and The Dream Partner
Here is the truth I am settling into, a truth that feels radical in its simplicity: It is okay to be a powerhouse at work and still want a partner with strong masculine energy who takes care of you.
Let's be clear: "takes care of you" is not about financial dependence. It's about energetic support. It’s wanting a partner who can provide a sense of safety, who can make a decision and hold the container so that, for a moment, you don’t have to. It’s about wanting to be cherished for your womanhood, not just admired for your accomplishments. Embracing your femininity and wanting this dynamic doesn't mean you can't also be an alpha. It means you are a whole human.
We can blend tradition with a modern life. Being a wife and a mom does not mean you can't be a boss. Building a business does not mean you forfeit your desire to feel protected and adored. We can contain multitudes.
A Walk on the Beach: Integrating the Alpha and the Archetype
On the last day, I took a walk on the beach alone. I watched the waves, the endless cycle of reach and retreat. Each wave was powerful, an unstoppable force, yet it was also fluid, surrendering to the shore before being drawn back into the whole. It was the perfect metaphor.
Walking by the ocean, I realized this journey isn't about choosing between my alpha and my archetype. It's not about being less of a boss. It is about expanding my own capacity. It's about cultivating the wisdom to know when to be the unstoppable force, and when to be the receptive shore. It’s about building a life where I can be celebrated for my power and cherished for my softness, without apology for either.
Resources for the Journey
Exploring these dynamics is a journey. Here are a few resources that can serve as powerful guides:
Book: Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. A classic exploration of the "Wild Woman" archetype that is essential for any woman looking to reconnect with her intuitive, instinctual nature.
Book: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. While written for men, it's one of the most powerful books for women to understand the interplay of masculine and feminine energies and the dynamics of attraction and polarity in relationships.
Therapist & Author: Esther Perel. Her books (Mating in Captivity) and podcast (Where Should We Begin?) are masterclasses in understanding the complexities of modern relationships, desire, and identity.
Your Questions Answered: On Power, Partnership, and Femininity
Q: Does embracing my feminine energy mean I have to be 'softer' or less ambitious at work?
A: Absolutely not. It means expanding your toolkit. Your directive, decisive energy is a vital asset. Feminine energy adds other superpowers: intuition in hiring, creativity in problem-solving, collaboration in team-building, and empathy in leadership. A truly powerful leader is not one-dimensional; they can be both fierce and compassionate, structured and creative. Embracing your femininity makes you a more dynamic and effective leader, not a weaker one.
Q: I worry that wanting a partner to 'take care of me' sounds old-fashioned or weak. How do I reconcile this with my feminism?
A: This is about redefining "care." It’s not about giving up your power or financial independence. It's about wanting a partner who can take the energetic lead at times, allowing you to rest your hyper-vigilant nervous system. It’s wanting someone who plans the date, who can handle a crisis without you having to manage their emotions, who provides a feeling of safety. Feminism is about choice. Choosing a partnership with a dynamic that nourishes you is the ultimate act of self-sovereignty.
Q: My partner is not a 'classic alpha male.' How do these energy dynamics work then?
A: It’s crucial to remember these are energies, not rigid gender roles. A man can have a wonderfully creative, nurturing (feminine) energy, and a woman can be the 'rock' or director (masculine) in the relationship. The key is polarity and balance. If both partners are constantly in the same energy, it can lead to either competition (two masculine energies) or stagnation (two feminine energies). The goal is to find a complementary dance that works for your unique partnership, allowing one person to lead in one area while the other leads in another.
Q: What is one small, practical thing I can do today to connect with my feminine energy?
A: Get out of your head and into your body and senses. For the next 24 hours, choose one of these: Put on a song you love and dance in your living room for three minutes, no matter how silly you feel. Buy yourself a small bouquet of flowers simply to enjoy their beauty and scent. Go for a 10-minute walk without your phone and just notice the feeling of the air or the sounds around you. The feminine is receptive and sensory. The practice is to simply receive the pleasure of a moment, without needing to optimize it or turn it into a productive task.
