Why I Don’t Date That Much: Why settle for noise when you’re built for music?

Let’s get one thing clear from the start: I’m not anti-love. I’m not anti-romance. I’m not even anti-dating. I just happen to believe that serial dating is overrated, and I’m coming clean about it — unapologetically. I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world. Love can change everything for the better for all of us, so it’s ok to take time to figure out how to receive it, how to give it and how to be your best self for your partner.

In a world where everyone seems to have a lineup of matches, plans, and “situationships” rotating like a trendy tapas menu, I’ve chosen a different path. I don’t go on seven dates a week. I don’t swipe for sport (although I always have a profile active on a dating app… because why not!). I don’t have a little black book filled with “just in case” energy.

And guess what? I’m not stressed. I’m not lonely. I’m not behind.

I’m just selective and I’m looking for magic. And honestly? I think it’s time we normalize that.

The Modern Dating Scene: Swipe, Match, Next

Let’s take a real look at where dating is right now — especially in cities like New York, where the culture is fast-paced, hyper-social, and forever scanning for the next best thing.

Apps have turned connection into convenience. Everyone’s theoretically one swipe away. Love, in its most sacred form, has been rebranded as something always available, endlessly accessible — and ultimately disposable.

This swipe culture has created a low-key anxiety spiral:

• What if there’s someone better?

• What if I commit too soon?

• What if this person doesn’t check every box?

And so we date. And date. And date.
And often… we don’t really connect.

Because somewhere in the rush to "meet someone," we’ve forgotten how to go deep with someone.

The Rebellion: I Date Rarely — But With Intention

I know it throws men off when I say it on dates and they probably don’t believe me, but I mean it sincerely:“You’re actually really special. I don’t go on many dates.”

I say it with warmth. With honesty. And yes — maybe a touch of mystery.

But the truth is, it’s not a line. It’s not strategy. It’s not reverse psychology.

It’s just who I am and I want to be honest about it.

I’ve always seen dating and romance as something spiritual — something intimate and alchemical. A place for soul-mirroring, not just casual flirting. So no, I’ve never wasted time with half-hearted maybes or aimless meetups.

Why? Because I’m not looking for entertainment. I’m looking for resonance.

I’ve rebelled against the idea that love should be treated like a social calendar. For me, being selective is sacred.

Deep Connection Over Quantity: Why Less Is So Much More

Here’s a little secret: when you’re selective, your energy becomes magnetic.

Not everyone needs access to your presence, your time, your thoughts. When you stop chasing connection and start nurturing your own growth — your vibe shifts. And the people who deserve to find you? They do.

I’m not “waiting” for someone. I’m not sitting on a love bench hoping to be picked.

I’m out here living. Thriving. Creating. Healing. Growing.

And from that grounded place, when someone does walk into my life — it’s not out of desperation, it’s out of alignment.

What Happens When You’re Not Serial Dating?

You Develop Discernment

When you’re not clouded by the noise of constant dating, you learn to trust your intuition. You recognize red flags faster. You spot emotional depth versus charm. And you stop confusing chemistry with compatibility.

You Don’t Burn Out

Dating fatigue is real. Especially when you’re putting energy into people who weren’t even a match to begin with. When you conserve your emotional energy, you stay open, clear, and excited for the right connections.

You Build Inner Stability

Romantic relationships are powerful — but they aren’t oxygen. When you prioritize inner peace and personal growth, you stop assigning someone else the job of completing you.

But Isn’t It Fun To Date A Lot?

Sure — for some, it can be. For others, it's draining. And if you're being honest with yourself, most of the time, serial dating feels like a hamster wheel with good lighting. The only people I met in my life that are serial daters are either anxious or are just trying to find someone to fill a gap instead of filling it themselves and becoming whole.

You dress up, ask the same five questions, hope there’s a spark, and then walk away wondering if it was worth the overpriced cocktail and the mental prep (hello 2 hours of makeup?).

There’s nothing wrong with meeting people. But when it becomes a habit rooted in fear of missing out, or fear of being alone — it stops being expansive and starts becoming escapism.

Choosing Depth in a World That Glorifies the Surface

Love isn’t a checklist. It’s not a dating app algorithm. It’s not something you squeeze into your schedule between a cycling class and drinks with friends.

Real love requires space. Openness. Stillness.

And yet — our culture rarely celebrates those things. It celebrates “options.”

It encourages quantity over quality.

It rewards being busy and emotionally unavailable.

But I want something more — and I know I’m not alone.

What I’ve Learned From Dating Rarely

• Love is special. I want to preserve that energy.

• Saying no is powerful. Every time I say no to something that doesn’t resonate, I say yes to my own clarity.

• I don’t owe anyone access. Not everyone deserves my emotional presence.

• I’m not afraid to be alone. Being alone isn’t a failure — it’s fertile ground.

• When you value yourself deeply, others either rise to meet you — or they fall away. And either is okay.

FAQ: Let’s Debunk Some Dating Myths

Don’t You Worry You’ll Miss Out?

Miss out on what? Another average date with no emotional depth? If something’s meant for me, it won’t require me to overextend or overcompensate. I’d love to have a family and a loving husband one day, but I think that’s already written in the stars and I believe that God has a plan for me.

But How Will You Meet Someone?

By living a full, aligned life and allowing space for meaningful connection. Not everyone meets their person through an app. Synchronicity is real — and when you’re grounded in self-worth, you don’t need to rush.

Isn’t Being Picky… Bad?

Only if you're picky for the wrong reasons. I’m not looking for perfection — I’m looking for presence, alignment, and magic with a touch of world takeover vibes.

Final Thoughts: Selective Is the New Sexy

Let’s make one thing clear: I’m not judging anyone who dates often. If you love it and it fuels you, beautiful.

But for those of us who feel like we’re supposed to be dating just to “keep up,” just to prove we’re trying — I want to offer you this:

You don’t have to date like everyone else.

You don’t have to stress about finding love.

You don’t have to settle for noise when you’re built for music.

You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to wait for real.

Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do in this hyper-distracted world… is choose depth.